Saturday, March 9, 2013

SHORT STORY: Dragon Lance


The air was humid, the sun was setting, and my urges were setting in.  My animal instinct was taking over; I was on the prowl.  It seemed like ages since my last encounter, my last touch, and my desire was peaked.  I knew my best chances of meeting a willing partner were greater if I headed to the local watering hole.

I had no expectations of meeting anyone special, just meeting a willing partner.  What I did not expect was to see the finest sauropod I have ever laid my eyes on.  I true deceptive beauty, sipping up water, paying no mind to me as I casually strolled by.  At first I admired her grace, caressing the water surface with her lips as to not leave any ripples, but my attention was soon diverted to her perfect form.  From her petite lips the water traveled down her long slender neck.  A neck long enough to ensure no high leaf went untried; a truly magnificent specimen for her species.

And her skin, looked as smooth as a fine leather wallet.  Her complexion was radiant, as fair as the scales of justice, but as supple as the feathery fluff of a gosling.  My eyes traversed her body as I made my way down to her tail, which was as lengthy as the whip needed to put me in my place; I was indeed smitten.

I knew she would not only do for the night, but she was likely to be the one every male dreams to settle down with.  I grunted viscerally to grab her attention, a pickup line that had high success rates.  She lifter her head slowly form the water, allowing droplets to form around her mouth, which leisurely trickled down to her collar where is met her broad powerful shoulders.

She shot me a glance, a glance that I was more than familiar with; she was interested.  She did not waste anytime; perhaps she had intentions as well while visiting the waterhole, as she lunged at me.  With no intentions to find a secluded place for privacy we expressed ourselves in the open for all to see.  Completely negligent to if an audience was present or not, we let ourselves go as our skin pressed tightly together and our necks entwined.  We both roared in the moment, and with thunderous crashes echoing through the air, I would not be surprised if others claimed to feel the earth shake.

When all was said and done I took a few steps back and faded off into the foliage.  I knew that she was something special, but I could not help my instinct of solitude.  I did not look back, nor do I think she did, it was just a moment of passion that took hold of us.  I still can not help but think of her, but the more I think of the encounter the more of worry.  She seemed too eager, perhaps I was being used to unknowingly fertilize eggs; but I am not ready to be a father.  She also seemed too willing, perhaps she had done this many, many times before; I should see the shaman and get inspected for dino-sores.

Thursday, March 7, 2013

HAIKUS: Street Fighter - Balrog and Sagat

Haikus dedicated not only to the greatest fighting game of all time, Street Fighter, but we also got some Lord of the Rings thrown into the mix. You really can not go wrong; keep 5-7-5 alive!



Wednesday, March 6, 2013

AMBIGRAMS: Hulk and Spiderman

Marvel at these amazing and incredible feets of wordplay in the form of Ambigrams. Simply look at them upside down and see that the secret identity of SPIDERMAN is PETER PARKER, and that THE HULK truly is Lou FERRIGNO.

SPIDERMAN / PETER PARKER

FERRIGNO / THE HULK

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Monday, March 4, 2013

The Original Teeboing

Although devout Christian and Floridian native, Tim Tebow, has been credited with the ongoing craze of "Tebowing", it was truly the devout nature worshipers and Endorian native, Teebo, who brought "Teeboing" to a head. As per usual, the tree dwellers were pushed to the background, but do not let this injustice live...ROCK OUT WITH YOUR EWOK OUT!

President Obama joins the Teeboing Craze

Fabio appreciates a fellow loincloth aficionado

Teebo Toying Around



Sunday, March 3, 2013

SHORT STORY: Zombie Mine Forever



I look across at her and can’t help but ask myself why she loves me so. I know it can not be for my brains because of what I have left they are practically useless to us. Could it be my looks? I do not think she would be that superficial, she really has a one track mind with no room to stray; plus I will humbly admit that I have not so easy on the eyes as of late.
What then? My ability to procure food, or maybe my ability to take care of her? But I know she would get along just the same without me, it is just the truth in the way it is. Could it be the fact that our love is a force that could not be stopped; save fire or perhaps a large set of stairs? No, these silly thoughts are just lingering sentiments of a life once had; do they truly matter? In the grand scheme of things I admit that there is no point, and to compound that I am not sure how much longer until comprehensible thoughts will subside.
Should I just let it be? I know my love for her is strong, and she is still by my side. Who cares as long as we are together, right? I will express my love in the form of a kiss. Actually, I think I will wait until she stops noshing on that arm; I am sated and can not eat another bite. Well that is assuming that she will offer, but for some reason she has been becoming a little more food aggressive. Was it something I did? I do not think so. I am just grateful that she is so transparent. I mean I can practically see through her right into her heart.
Wait, what day is it? Is it our anniversary? Is that why she is being so cold, or is just that we are no longer warm blooded? No, I think it is our anniversary, or at least in the close proximity of. I should surprise her and take her someplace nice; perhaps a neurologist? That will show her that I still care, and that I still think about her even amid everything that is going on.
She looked up at me; her pale eyes still as captivating and breathtaking as when they were once blue; and while we still had breaths to be taken away. The connection is still strong, it’s still there. She discards the limb that she was gnawing on and clunkily slides a bit closer. I extend my arms for the embrace and she leans in. I hold her tight and I lay a kiss upon her cheek. I squeeze and then I feel her squeeze back. She is now nibbling on my ear; she still loves me.

Saturday, March 2, 2013

Obama: The Great Uniter



In 2009 President Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, but then once again on March 1, 2013 President Obama proved that he truly deserved the honor bestowed upon him. No other man can think outside the box like the leader of the free world and bring people together who were once at a war for irreconcilable differences. With one simple phrase he had done it and changed history as we know it, and that phrase of course was his use of the term “Jedi mind meld.”

Of course, at first, many wrote this off as misspeaking, or simply being out of touch with Jedi mind tricks from Star Wars, and the Vulcan mind meld from Star Trek, but after a deep analysis, his intentions were revealed. Much like the hostility between Sunni and Shiite, and Republicans and Democrats, it was thought that fans of Star Wars and fans of Star Trek would never join together under one communal sci-fi fandom…until those words were uttered and President Obama revealed that the tension makes him Sith to his stomach.

Fans all over the world rejoiced when they realized that we are not all that different after all. Science fiction does not have to be the choose one fantasy galaxy and abhor the rest world as it once was; there can be enough love in one’s heart for both. Was it not the wisdom of the great Obi-Wan Picard as he spoke the infamous words, “do or do not, and prosper?” And we can, and we will, do just that. We shall do by finding peace amongst us, and we shall do not by abandoning hatred, and we shall all prosper from the peace that will reign down upon us all from the shared Star’s of both.

Now that the olive branch has been extended by the President and put the motions into actions, the world can set their lightsabers to stun and hug your brother in fiction. Let this hatred put on the redshirt and die out like planned. Do not let yourself get Fett up any more about which of the worlds is superior. Join together with me and President Obama and utter the words, “Yes We Vulcan,” so that we can find this New Hope.

President Obama made First Contact and put the pressure on the world to follow through to rid it from the plague of his personal Nemesis; hatred. If Star Wars and Star Trek fans can find the common ground, then why can’t political parties follow suit? Why can’t religious parties waive the white flag and invite one another over for their respective and respected holidays? Let a Capulet marry a Montague, let the three horns play with the long necks, and for heaven’s sake let’s stop the violence erupting between Team Edward and Team Jacob. President Obama may not have said these exact words but I think I can interpolate from what he did say to take the liberty to paraphrase and it went something like this…”My fellow American’s, ask not what differences lie in Star Wars or Star Trek, but let us enjoy them both, and regardless of how deep your obsession dwells, can’t we all agree that we are still better than Harry Potter fans?”

God bless America, and Star Wars, and Star Trek.